Mighty Mouse is a parody of Superman, Mighty Man of Jesus. Both Mighty Mouse and Mighty Man are cartoon characters, not real. The one lives on the screen, the other within a group.
Mighty Mouse’s super powers allow him to fly, and make him incredibly strong and invulnerable. Mighty Man’s super powers allow him to raise people from the dead, and to speak in tongues. Where Mighty Mouse has demonstrated the use of “X-ray vision”, Mighty Man is a prophet and can see into the future.
Mighty Mouse doles out a considerable amount of punishment, hurling or punching his enemies miles away to finish the fight. Mighty Man is a soldier of god, speaks of the terrible punishments that will befall his enemies, and is willing to “die in order to live”.
Mighty Mouse has a mouse girlfriend named Pearl Pureheart, and his arch-enemy is an evil villain cat named Oil Can Harry. Mighty Man has a human girlfriend named the Virgin Mary, and his arch-enemy is an evil villain monster called the Devil.
Both Mighty Mouse and Mighty Man often sing mock opera songs during their cartoons. Mighty Mouse is also known for singing “Here I come to save the day!” when flying into action, while Mighty Man lifts his hands to sing about the saving of the soul. Mighty Mouse fights villains, Mighty Man fights demons.
Why are there horoscopes in virtually every women’s magazine and never in men’s magazines?
“… both the popular Jungian and the more academic Five Factor personality tests confirm the stereotype that men are more logical and women are more emotional… It’s not a matter of IQ - Feeling people have virtually the same average IQ as Thinking people. It’s a matter of cognitive style. No matter how smart you are, a scientific career won’t appeal to you if you care more about how people feel than how things tick.” - EconLog
Have you played with yourself recently? Don’t want to talk about it? Ashamed? Something we should not be discussing here? Perhaps I should rather write about the needs of street children? Access to food, clean water, warmth? The energy crisis? Rising food prices?
All very important matters, I agree. Difficult to jack off on an empty stomach. But then - you don’t need to drive anywhere to do it, and you don’t need anyone’s permission. In fact, you need very little. A good hand will do. Which reminds me of May West’s “a hard man is good to find”, and I would add: especially if it’s yourself. And yes, a good imagination helps.
Think about it: Masturbation is all natural, pleasurable, has proven health benefits, it’s free (yes - it costs nothing!), you need no fancy equipment (not true for everyone, I know), and it makes sense if you think about some of the alternatives (which is why there would be fewer street children if more of their parents simply pleasured themselves instead of the first available girl too afraid or too high to say no).
But first (and mostly for the benefit of some of my more religious readers), let’s get rid of a few limp ideas. One of them, the notion of “self-abuse”, deserves special attention.
Continue reading ‘Hand Job’
Does this describe you? Let me know…
- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
- You feel insulted and “dehumanised” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
- Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees.
- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs - though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving”.
- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor “speaking in tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
- You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure was simply the will of God.
- You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
Former Sunday Times columnist David Bullard has said he was surprised to be fired for writing this:
Imagine for a moment what life would be like in South Africa if the evil white man hadn’t come to disturb the rustic idyll of the early black settlers.
Ignored by the Portuguese and Dutch, except as a convenient resting point en route to India. Shunned by the British, who had decided that their empire was already large enough and didn’t need to include bits of Africa.
The vast mineral wealth lying undisturbed below the Highveld soil as simple tribesmen graze their cattle blissfully unaware that beneath them lies one of the richest gold seams in the world. But what would they want with gold?
There are no roads because no roads are needed because there are no cars. It’s 2008 and no one has taken the slightest interest in South Africa, apart from a handful of botanists and zoologists who reckon that the country’s flora and fauna rank as one of the largest unspoilt areas in a polluted world.
Because they have never been exposed to the sinful ways of the West, the various tribes of South Africa live healthy and peaceful lives, only occasionally indulging in a bit of ethnic cleansing.
Their children don’t watch television because there is no television to watch. Instead they listen to their grandparents telling stories around a fire. They live in single-storey huts arranged to catch most of the day’s sunshine and their animals are kept nearby.
Nobody has any more animals than his family needs and nobody grows more crops than he requires to feed his family and swap for other crops. Ostentation is unknown because what is the point of trying to impress your fellow citizens when they are not impressible?
The dreaded Internet doesn’t exist in South Africa and cellphone companies have laughed off any hope of interesting the inhabitants in talking expensively into a piece of black plastic. There are no unsightly shopping malls selling expensive goods made by Asian slave workers and consequently there are no newspapers or magazines carrying articles comparing the relative merits of ladies’ handbags.
Whisky, the curse of the white man, isn’t known in this undeveloped land and neither are cigars. The locals brew a sort of beer out of vegetables and drink it out of shallow wooden bowls. Five-litre paint cans have yet to arrive in South Africa.
Every so often a child goes missing from the village, eaten either by a hungry lion or a crocodile. The family mourn for a week or so and then have another child. Life is, on the whole, pretty good but there is something vital missing. Being unaware of the temptations of the outside world, nobody knows what it is. Fire has been discovered and the development of the wheel is coming on nicely but the tribal elders are still aware of some essential happiness ingredient they still need to discover. Praying to the ancestors is no help because they are just as clueless.
Then something happens that will change this undisturbed South Africa forever. Huge metal ships land on the coast and big metal flying birds are sent to explore the sparsely populated hinterland. They are full of men from a place called China and they are looking for coal, metal, oil, platinum, farmland, fresh water and cheap labour and lots of it. Suddenly the indigenous population realise what they have been missing all along: someone to blame. At last their prayers have been answered.
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